I’ve lost my way with this blog a bit. I didn’t write last night after the performance, too tired and busy preparing for a very early departure this morning.
There was an audience and there was a show.
There is a period of time of post-mortem, self analysis and mental replay, all this fades after a while but it’s the feelings, impressions and detail of action replay that for a time, a bit like an anemone wriggling around and maybe finding food – a new idea, something to grow onto the choreographic imaginings, the germ of a new impulse or quality that maybe is missing or could be reconfigured, connections within the existing structure that I’ve not made yet, all this is useful. The heightened sense of imagination and body memory that comes post performance just isn’t the same outside of contact made with an audience. There is a way to go but I’m both afraid and optimistic. There is potential here, a language that is new for me and some familiar themes revisited in a different way. Weight. Submersion. Tension/release. Fragility. Strength. Time. Improvisation around states of collapse, unknowing, attempt, dislocation.
When I go to Caen I’ve got to stay connected to developing a relationship with the space, that was one of my original intentions and is certainly what has begun here in the building of an architectural space that is used. I wonder if I can write the kind of song that does something like what I’ve done with the objects in the space. Something sustained. Water. Leak a surface of water, oil, shine.
Fear is the debilitator. I notice it in myself. I have to practice making decisions. I apologise a lot (I’m told) it’s true. I do. A genuine fear of stumbling in my words, and actually I do stutter when tired. I’m tired now. I’ll stop writing. Not stop thinking.