I’ve got a cold and altering my breathing to manage my blocked up nose.
Sat on the stage here there is the spill of the sound of music in the corridor and the hum of the theatre space.
I’m in the theatre in Bournemouth for just under two weeks to re-engage with my solo Singer. Some things have happened. It’s been a long time since I’ve written here. I didn’t even remember the pass word! I’ve spent the afternoon trying to move, it hurts. Little by little my body feels like it’s seizing up but still… tiny moments do happen. Mostly, the important thing for me is that I can concentrate. I’m not really well. Run down from little sleep for months now. There was anxiety in re-visiting this work, the first time since the end of May in Caen. That I’d not believe in it, fall into negative thought patterns about how I haven’t gone far enough, that I don’t know how to find the heart of it and how difficult it seems to be for people to watch some of it. The good thing is that I’m here and I’ve found that I do believe in it, I’m enjoying being connected up again. I feel positive. That I can make it richer that there is a story to share. I found it useful in terms of process to think about spending more time trying to find potential connections within the work rather than trying to work out why I’ve made some of the decisions. It seems obvious and not so revelatory but it’s easy to get stuck, almost thinking if I think hard enough I’ll find answers but it’s not always about thinking. Increasing the web of informations in the doing helps me and these are made up of subtle openings. A commitment to being in the space – attentive – not trying to enforce meanings upon the work through fear that what I’m doing is not interesting. What I’m doing is good. Jules came yesterday. It was the first time he’s seen it and he was positive saying he could see how to help the musical elements but appreciated the emptiness of the landscape. This encouragement has lifted me. It is about an unsettled impermanence.
Where the human is in the constructing and building of this mini universe of metaphor and will? How the spirit is attempting to build and organise a series of moments in time. Making a space to consider being in relationship and then what comes out of being in relationship? Stimulating the body and the mind to be responsive. To increase awareness through practice and a heightening of the senses.